What Pembroke has really taught me: notes to my freshers' week self

"If you don’t remember bop, don’t worry, you probably didn’t miss much."

1. A life ban from Fez does not spell the end of the world. I may never again sweat out a night’s alcohol intake in a Moroccan themed human-cesspit, but am I that bothered? Not really.

2. It IS possible to sleep through a 2pm lecture. No, it wasn’t the end of the world - I’m a humanities student, baby. Yes, I do regularly get 12 hours of sleep (Cambridge is stressful: don’t judge)

3. Under pressure, I type faster. I can procrastinate and do barely anything for five days, but the last 24 hours before a deadline? Boy, can I smash those keys.

4. Going to lectures is probably a good idea, if only for the fact it makes you wake up before 10am. (see advice regarding 2pm lectures)

5. You CAN walk on the grass, as long as you do it when no one’s watching.

6. Two people in sleeping in one single bed is uncomfortable at first, but you do get used to it. Or, like a certain Pembroke Street contributor, you can bring up a spare mattress so you never have to share a bed with the dregs you brought home from Life.

7. It is very possible to go a whole 24 hours without interacting with another human being in the bridge. Don’t do it, you’ll go insane.

8. How much port is too much port! There is a definite limit to how much port one girl can handle, and it is considerably less than what was consumed in my last attempt.

9. You’ll forget how ridiculous a lot of your life here is, until your family visit for a formal or you try to explain to your home friends that you share your ‘gyp’ with your ‘staircase’.